fuzzybluelogic

call shrink about picking up meds
call Mike/Jodi
call Lakota Lakes
make a video on Mat Lumiere vs Almay TLC
clean room
find duffel back
wash giant purse
Goodwill?

So, I woke up at 1am (I'm waiting to see if this is 1am before DST or the second 1am)

I've started a few projects centered around me current "homelessness". I'm also seriously considering going inpatient for a bit. I'll keep a journal of the experience.

Tomorrow:
1. Get Dryer
2. Get Desk
3. Get Chairs
4. Get rest of books
5. get mirror thing and white cube thing
6. get table
7. get fan, vacuum, get clothes rack?, get pile of cords
8. get grill
9. TV trays
10.crockpot& fabric

For maybe inpatient: see about phones, books, computers, makeup, etc

Since there was this silly rumor that LJ was up I was going to make a post about some plans I had. But now all I feel like doing is playing with my budget and wondering if I could get a treadmill or stationary bike on Craigslist, or try and get excited about purchasing a new sewing machine (which can wait, since my schtick is handsewing to Asian Horror Movies, preferably Korean or Thai)

I registered an Etsy shop called LunetticFringe (play on Lunetta, my family's name) for handsewn linen shirts, shifts etc... And since it's not SCA, I can play around with design. Like my desire to buy ugly goodwill and yardsale sheets and make dresses out of them.

I'm not a partner but I am now earning a few pennies from my YouTube stuff, and I do mean pennies. I think I'll get $17 bucks this year...eventually. And I wanna start volunteering...somewhere.

I did a crap quality video review on a decent foundation that you can only buy from Kohl's ...and only in store.

I need either a better flat iron, a better hair dryer or better product. I heard good things about the new Garnier blow out lotion (not the hair-frying fake keratin thing)

Scotty has food now, although he actually loves the gross tuna/rice/oatmeal/cod/hotdog/scrambled eggs with kitten milk stuff. He only gets a little on a separate thing, like a lid and only if he eats some of his dry food. He gets bonito flakes on his dry food. He's so spoiled. He also get an ice cube in his water at lunch, to his great delight.

Yeah, he'd getting a budda box (super covered litter box) because that glop is gonna be FOUL.

Speaking of spoiled, I trimmed his claws today. Only the very tippy tips because he was getting stuck on stuff. He'd weird, no biting, no fighting, only bemoaning lot in life...until he got a cat treat after every single claw. Then he was stuffed and passed out. He's getting better about biting, I just show him the squirt bottle and he's all "JINKIES! IT'S THE FUZZ!" and stops.

http://the-original-bamf.dreamwidth.org/

Anyone know any good recipes for cat food that can be made from tuna and rice?

Things aren't going well at all. I have $1.27 in my account, I can even find change, I'm about to roll pennies and take my $1.27 to Kroger and get what I can in uber cheap catfood. No money, no gas, Jodi (my ex's wife) is claiming I'm a fail parent and suck and am horrible because of my money grubbing ways (yes, that's me...money grubbing).

I called Mike to try and decipher her vitriol and just got Jenny McCarthy quackery and how his abusive relationship is my fault.

The one smart thing I did this month was get Cat's birthday present on the first. Got her a Nook and she (and Jasmine) seem to really like it.

And livejournal is down again.

I just want a nap now.

And catfood.

Still not king unable to post or comment on LJ. Boo. Maybe I should move to tumblr.

So, I had some very fucked up and horrifying nightmares. Rapey kinds. Really Bad Memory kinds.

I woke up in a state of utter confusion and to my absolute terror, my left eye, the not-blind one, was blotted out by a giant floater.

Just like when I had optic neuritis two years ago and lost my vision in my right eye. It's weird, I can sorta see out of my right eye. I can tell that my pj pants are blue but I'm red-green colorblind, everything is pixelated and blurred beyond correction. And no matter how large the font, I can't read. Detail is smeared, warped and pixelated with ...snow? Like bad TV reception. And it doesn't adsorb light at all well. TV and computer screens and windows are gray hazes. Nothing can be done because MS scarred and fucked up my optic nerve.

So, I woke with a giant floater of like a circle that has been burned onto my retina. And the panic attack of the century. I was shaking, about to puke, so so so terrified, and my mind started racing through What Being Completely Blind Meant.

4 Xanax later, the floater was gone. Then my blood sugar plummeted. So, I panicked to Cat, and she sent a kid up with some caramel corn. I was so freaked out, I called Angela and damned near cried over the phone. One of my biggest fears, right below losing Becca, is losing the sight I have left. Angela was exactly what I needed, she just...knows. She was there. She knows how bad it was.

I'm in my room, very very very doped up, and wanting nothing to do with anyone. I'm still shaky.

I need to go in and see the neuro because I now have to take MS seriously and prob start the injections again.

I think I'm drained of empathy now. I'm just done.

Maybe i should use my insane journal for my insanity. Or something.

I've always wanted to write horror/comedy.

I'm gonna try meditating myself into a funky dream and just grab from there as a starter. Or (and) starting from right now, let the next 14 days bring inspiration.

Maybe I'll just write a small story here. I dunno.

I got a good creepy one....and it's real. Muahahahaha

So yeah. Unflounced. Didn't actually flounce. idek.

Kurt: ya see, I've been feeling uber left out of shit, my parents and siblings and all kinds of shit
Kurt: so maybe I need something of my own
Kurt: its been in my dreams too wtf
Bobby: what has? a game?
Kurt: the being left out/excluded theme
Kurt: in my dreams, in my real life, my lame ass family
Bobby: what have they done?
Kurt: they're them
Kurt: you have a game, Cat was in a game and that didn't work out well for me. *WUT NOT BITTER*
Kurt: and my family is all lalalalalal who's Sarah? Exzcept on my Wall on my bday at Facebook
Bobby: I actually asked you about the game a couple times awhile back
Kurt: was I on klonopin
Bobby: Aye
Kurt: that equals like Alzheimer
Kurt: anyway, I do think I need a game, something to build and be mine
Kurt: and then gather the peoples
Kurt: multifandom but reduced to three: X-Men, Bleach, and Supernatural. The less each fandom knows about each other the bigger the luls
Kurt: It's gonna be Nightcrawler based since he sorta created it when he died
Kurt: gonna be a reg Mansion, no M Day X-Men game
Kurt: with a meddling Japanese afterlife and two ghost hunters in a 67 impala
Kurt: and Hell is a POS town in New Mexico
Kurt: not even kidding
Kurt: how fun would that be
Kurt: Ativan just makes me skinny and sleepy, yet not senile ...rock on

Bobby: It doesn't actually do it for me

Bobby: That's a good thing though, non-senility.

Bobby: But you should do what you love. If you love it then do it. It's too much for me. I don't generally like joining games I know nothing about the format. If it were a full panfandom game that would be one thing but this is 3 very distinct and different worlds that don't necessarily mesh particularly seamlessly. I know fuck all about Bleach and I'm not really into the Japanese thing. I actually bought the first season of Supernatural and I watched the first couple of episodes and while I enjoyed them, it didn't really scream out to me to join one of the many Supernatural boards. None of the characters cried out to me.

Bobby: X-Men I know and love and I'll always be happy to play that.
The only thing I've seen recently that I think it would just be a hell of a lot of fun to play in the world would be True Blood but Sookie Stackhouse is a little annoying...

Kurt: Ah well was planning on doing it as a X-Men first and then fill the class out more with multifandom, where half the fun is not knowing diddly about the guy who just moved in down the hall

Kurt: Imma grab a few moments of unconsciousness because the evil children wake up
Bobby: Sorry
Bobby: alright

Me (or a me like character. Older, a parent, nothing supernatural ever seems to have happened. Raising an autistic daughter, had a daughter die young, lived with a crazy person who still has son. Trying to get on with life.

Fatal Flaw: obsessed with the supernatural and proving that there is an afterlife

Daughter: Has talks with A Friend.

Protagonist and daughter are the pivotal points around the activity, yet are personally unaffected. It's those who take notice of unusual shit happening around them, people who would do harm to them, people that 'get too close'

The protagonist makes YouTube videos on makeup and beauty. Sometimes things can be noticed in those videos. The protagonist is unaware of them.

Eventually, the Protagonist will appear to be giving signs and sending messages. Other may act as the cast members via twitter/facebook and youtube that Bad Shit is happening.

In one of these other videos, is the first Slenderman sighting, and it happens near the protagonist...who sees nothing.

Hijinks!

Who wants on Filter for Slender-man: The Story?
It's soopersekrit!

Those wanting to participate can either do so as themselves, or invent a "character". We'll ask Victor Surge from SA if he's ok with it and just have ourselves a Slenderman mindscrew with a female protagonist and a larger female "cast".

I was thinking, for reasons known only to Slendy, I, myself, and my daughter (autistic - with a fake name and not shown) are not in any danger, but those around me seem to be. I see a lot of weirdness. I'll keep doing makeup vlogs and writing weird posts, and the commentators start having ...experiences.

Anyone interested in this very easy to be involved in project? email and or comment here

Soooo, I decided to start my Avonex injections again. I know the only way to lessen the side effects is time. You take it and then your body eventually stops wtfing at you and giving you the weekly Satan Flu. So, I dutifully jabbed myself with a (friggin HUGE) needle into my right thigh and pre-medicated and went to bed early and everything.

Now, gentle readers, I have a high pain threshold. One of my favorite Bragging Rights is that I had major abdominal surgery on a Tuesday and went to class on Friday. Now, my BOOYAH ways kinda fell to Hell starting in March of 2009, when I had a wisdom tooth removed...and had painful complications. The same painful complications I had in 2002. Bony shards leftover from the socket start boring through the surrounding gums and OMG SUCK. I actually had to take percoset for that, it sucked so bad. Then in April came My First Migraine, which was actually optic neuritis. Then omg I'm blind in my right eye, oh shiz I have MS, yada yada.

MS only has a tiny handful of medications and they all pretty much suck. Most are injections and all have sheer fuckery for side effects. You basically get violently ill for 24-36 hours. Fun right?

I'd had bouts of the effed up flu-like side effects after my previous four shots. I took a break of three weeks because There Was Shit To Do. And I had a flu shot on the 22nd and figured Flu Shot + Avonex was like dividing by zero and would start the zombie apocalypse.

I am so effing dumb.

Last night, after my injections, I felt fine until bedtime...then I was cranky and kinda bleh. A little achey.

I went to sleep. I woke up a little while later, shocked by the fucking pain. It was all over. My head, my legs, my shoulders, my arms, and omg my hips. It was like I had sprained EVERYTHING. It reminded me of that really bad sciatic nerve pain from when I was pregnant with Emily but ALL THE FUCK OVER. And I had a fever. Advil didn't TOUCH this shit. So, the night dragged by, and I slipped in and out of fever dreams. I kept being woke up by the pain. Now, I'm really sore. And just...sick of it. I'm so sick of the bullshit in my life. I seriously wanna stuff Becca in the van and just...move somewhere else.

Clean Kitchen
Clean Bathroom
Take shower
Tidy Bedroom
Help tidy girls' room
vacuum
clean up dryer vent thing
panty hose on vent?
clean up laundry area and unplug dryer first thing in morning
new bulb in closet
take mattress downstairs
Help tidy living room
do a vid?


( to buy on Nov 1st )

Me: is not kicking anyone out. At all. Not making anyone homeless. D:

I did better this time. I think. I did my arm and went slower. I pre doped myself up on pain meds and ativan. After payday, I'm gonna dye my hair and maybe go get a facial with a Green Peel. Might as well get the face all prepped by a pro before I start playing with the dermaroller and TCA peels.

Next month, I should be able to get a smaller bed and make my tiny room livable. I wanna handsew for the zen. I could make some shirts, shifts and underthings, plus a gown or doublet here or there. Gonna set up an Etsy shop, since eBay is all fail now. No commissions, just let it be fun. Maybe play with making some skincare, too.

I wanna start the Youtube vids again, both on makeup and skincare, and MS stuff.

Gotta get Becca on a good schedule and make her a corner in my teeny ass room.

I have a vision appt on Monday so I can get groovy new specs for free. Thanks, Navy!

Etsy will bring in a little extra bank. And it's fun.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ALVK6noTCeQ

Notice my skillful technique

So, I had a loooong talk with my sister, Mary. I need to talk to Robby. It seems all of us from the First Litter (3 kids, skip nine years, three more kids) have issues with kids. I HAVE to go out and see 'em. Even if I have to borrow money.

It was called writing. I should do that.